Well, hello, Mr. Crowe...
idiosyncratic: when are the next slashyoscars?
azewewish: next february?
idiosyncratic: awesome!
idiosyncratic: that gives me a whole YEAR to write my cracktastic assbaby orlando fic!
idiosyncratic: i think i'll make marton the father.
azewewish: oh, you mean the bastard father that LEAVES poor barefoot pregnant orlando at the altar to go back to that bastard sean bean???
idiosyncratic: YES!!!!!
azewewish: awesome
azewewish: can viggo be the pediatrician?
idiosyncratic: then viggo can swoop in because he's been secretly pining for the beautiful damsel, i mean orlando, and sweep him off his feet.
azewewish: *claps* i'm telling you, he should be the pediatrician
azewewish: or whatever the pregnant doctor is
azewewish: obstetrician?
azewewish: is that right?
azewewish: pediatrician's for babies & kids, that's right.
azewewish: so, yeah, viggo can be the obstetrician & can hear all of the WOE & agree to be the lamanze coach.
idiosyncratic: yeah, he'd totally be the ob/gyn
idiosyncratic: and and and karl can be the lawyer that viggo hires for orlando to keep the evilmeannastyRICH!marton from stealing his son from orlando, who is far too young and immature and useless to be a parent.
azewewish: i like it
azewewish: i have no idea how you're going to write it with a straight face, but i like it
ETA:
azewewish: okay, and the reason that marton left sean for orlando in the first place is that bean's infertile & marton needed an heir.
idiosyncratic: oh, brilliant
azewewish: why he couldn't just get a donor, i have no idea, logic is not high on the list of priorities in these fics. *g*
azewewish: who's playing the bastard!lawyer that marton hires?
idiosyncratic: because the child had to be BEAUTIFUL
azewewish: well yes
idiosyncratic: and really, let's face, orlando IS the prettiest
azewewish: true
idiosyncratic: oh, that's easy. marton's lawyer would be harry.
azewewish: nononono, eric
azewewish: no one cares about harry
idiosyncratic: and he and karl are sekritly in cahoots to steal the child because THEY want a child.
azewewish: he's not well-known enough. *g*
idiosyncratic: MY fic, and i don't write eric in anything longer than about 200 words. *g*
idiosyncratic: sticking with lotrips. i'm not going there with the banabloom crazies.
azewewish: you're not writing this for YOU, you're writing it for feedback
azewewish: sheesh, woman
azewewish: i thought you knew that
idiosyncratic: no eric
azewewish: fine
azewewish: but i'm telling you, it would be epic
idiosyncratic: i wouldn't be able to resist referring to him as weaselly, and that would alienate half my reader base
azewewish: hehehehee
azewewish: well, he IS evil
idiosyncratic: i'll compromise. craig can be the bastard lawyer that marton hires.
azewewish: awesome
idiosyncratic: he can wear bright suits to court and be all flaming and shit.
azewewish: **** says that if you write someone getting tied up or holding their breath, you can get it into the bdsm category
idiosyncratic: well, yes. marton would totally be tying orlando down during sex, because let's face it. non-con is the only way to go. and it gives orlando another reason to cry prettily.
azewewish: yeah, but the rape only has to be once & orlando has to think he deservd it. remember, he thought he was in LURVE.
azewewish: and, of course, marton's the only one he was ever with.
azewewish: *sparkly hearts*
ETA #2:
idiosyncratic: omg, okay so, in this fic
idiosyncratic: orlando is totally going to draw hearts in his notebooks and stuff and write his name as orlando csokas and orlando bloom-csokas and do the whole ob + mc 4ever with hearts around it and all that.
azewewish: because he's 15?
idiosyncratic: he'll be a college student, going for a degree in...um...hmm...something artsy.
idiosyncratic: interior decorating or cake baking or something.
idiosyncratic: he's pretty, but not too bright.
azewewish: interior cake baking
idiosyncratic: he'll just ACT 15
idiosyncratic: because he is, you know.
idiosyncratic: 15
azewewish: on the inside
azewewish: ohohohoh
azewewish: and marton can be some rich patron that donated a bunch of money to the arts building & they met at a fund raiser
idiosyncratic: oh, see, i LIKE it.
idiosyncratic: orlando can be going to college for a degree in sculpture! because really, there just aren't enough sculpture!orlando fics out there.
azewewish: true
idiosyncratic: and that would work nicely with marton being a patron and them meeting at the fund raiser. the students can be auctioning off their art.
azewewish: and marton sweeps him off his feet with roses & diamonds & furs & art stuff
idiosyncratic: oh, absolutely
idiosyncratic: lots of flowers
azewewish: woot!
idiosyncratic: and chocolates. don't forget the chocolates. and romantic candle lit dinners in front of a fireplace.
azewewish: right, which is how the seduction happens.
idiosyncratic: exactly!
idiosyncratic: and that would lead to the tying up the next time, because marton's so big and orlando's a total virgin and it would hurt so he'd be all crying and nonono!! afterwards.
azewewish: and then marton would be all, petpetpet, see, i can't help myself, you're so beautiful that i have to POSSESS you & if you promise you'll never leave, i won't tie you up anymore, then he totally gives orlando the blahblah nice sex until the next time that he feels like getting his kink on
idiosyncratic: meanwhile, he's sneaking off to fuck bean, who's pressuring him about the baby, who hasn't even been born yet
azewewish: exactly
idiosyncratic: and of course marton would reassure sean that there's no way he could love the stupid little slut orlando
azewewish: of course not
azewewish: he's in love with his own bottomingest of bottoms, sean
idiosyncratic: exactly
